Listening to Abba: My Own Broken Marriage

My Own Broken Marriage

My husband and I are emerging from a slough of despair concerning our marriage.  It was ugly.   Anger, bitterness, hostility, distancing, accusing, and grieving became our companions. Weeks of intensive therapy and months of follow up only left us further apart.  We were separated for almost three years.  

Finally we found our way back under the same roof.  Even then it was not an ideal situation (a compatible roommates scenario at best).  How on earth does a Pastor and Pastor’s wife get to this kind of extreme dysfunction?  Especially when they had the model family for so many years?

How we got there is not the point of this blog.  How we are picking up the pieces and fighting our way back into each other’s arms is the point.  It’s taken a much needed renovation of the heart for me.  
All I know is that our relationship failure caused me to do some serious soul searching.  I had to deal with my own wounds and demons.  I had to deal with my own irrational and ungodly patterns of relating.  God exposed me – to myself.  Not pretty. 

God showed me that I was putting a lot of burden on Rick to be for me what only God could be.  Then God loved on me.  He held me, rocked me, sang to me, taught me, corrected me and pointed out my sin.  My dirty, rotten, stinky, sinful heart that demands others to love me like I want.

He took all that filthiness and placed it on His son, Jesus.  He brutally beat Jesus for my iniquities – for my unlove.  Jesus took the punishment that I deserved. Now I stand forgiven.  Not just forgiven – cleansed.  Not just cleansed – renewed.

Then He taught me a better way.  The way of love – His style of love – unconditional.

Now God and I are moving forward with a new energy – to be like Christ.  To give up my life in order to find it.  To love like He loves – without expecting anything in return.  To assume the posture of a servant.

“Kinsey girl,” God says, “If you don’t love, you are nothing but a bunch of noise.  No matter how many people you counsel, disciple, teach, train, mentor, evangelize, or coach . . .it means nothing to me if you don’t love.”  Then He throws in the kicker, “The way you love those closest to you, the ones you live with – that’s the true measure of your soul.”  Ouch.  It’s so much easier to love people you don’t have to go home with.

So, I accepted the challenge that God laid out.  It hasn’t been easy.  It hasn’t been seamless. But it has been miraculous.  And guess what?  He’s right.  You really do find life when you set your own needs and desires aside, when you put someone else’s’ needs above your own.

My faltering commitment to love is now paying off in huge dividends.  Rick and I are doing better than we have in years.  We are laughing, playing, praying, and crying together.   

God is our biggest cheerleader, “Atta girl!” “Atta boy.”  “Love him girl! Love her boy! This gives me pure delight.”  I can hear Him laughing and I hug Him tight. . .

because He  made it possible.

Today is Good Friday – the day my sins pinned Jesus to the cross.  To say I’m grateful is an understatement.

Today I honor Him with this story.  He is in the business of redeeming and restoring broken people and broken marriages.

Thank you Abba.  Thank you Jesus.  Thank you Spirit.
May the lamb that was slain receive the rewards of His sufferings.
I love you,
Kinsey girl

©kinseyoglesby, March 28, 2013   Read more by Kinsey at


  1. Ah.... the overflow of Christ's forgiveness and beauty of His redemption can't help but ripple out to those we love to love and those we long to love.

    Your story is the story we all live. Whether it's husband, or neighbor or child - Christ's love demands our all and gives us all we need.

    Thank you for sharing so transparently.

    Thank you, Jesus. We believe - help our unbelief.

  2. Beautiful post Kinsey. Thank you for being so honest and sharing your personal struggles. Your post has blessed me and I know it will be a blessing for others.

  3. Our Redeemer lives and praise God for that. Thanks for sharing. You are always inspiring me to love deeper. I love you, Ann

  4. Thanks for sharing part of your very hard story and part of your victory in the making. The key for me, as I can REALLY relate to what you're talking about, is to get filled up with God's love because I cannot love unconditionally if I don't feel it from God first.

  5. Once again, appreciate your transparency, Kinsey. Can SO relate to the challenge of surrendering MYSELF to God first and releasing my expectations of my husband. There have been a lot of disappointing years behind me. Mainly due to my own brokenness. Still struggling, but still persevering after 18 years. God is good - no matter what! And All is Well, no matter how I feel : )

    Praying for continued healing for you and your marriage!

  6. Awesome story, and I've witnessed it first hand. I've been challenged myself as I've watched God work in you.

  7. Kinsey... I don't know you but you left a comment on my blog. I always try to thank people for encouragement so I wandered over here. As it turns out... my husband and I have a similar story. God is so good at redeeming our messes and turning them into something beautiful. Blessings to you and your family as you are mended. And thank you for your sweet comment.

    1. Chelsea, Thank you for your comment. Someone sent me a link to your story on Joy - thus the comment to you. I would love to hear your story of brokenness if you care to share. Grace to you, Kinsey

  8. Kinsey - blessings for your honesty to share- not all is always well behind our doors. We hide, we put on smiles.. and sometimes we break. Your telling of the grace... is priceless.

    1. Nancy, thank you for stopping by. Someone has to admit the truth. Might as well be me. Smile.

  9. This is a beautiful story. I saw your comment on my blog so I decided to return the favor and immediately I was drawn to this specific blog. God is doing the same thing for my husband and I and for the first time we're letting him. I love this! Thank YOU for sharing.

    1. Thank you for stopping by Tasha! Amen. So glad God is restoring you two. It's a painful but rewarding journey and we still have many miles to go.

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  11. Kinsey - Thank you for sharing. It sounds like it was very rough. In that regard, it sounds like some rebuking and tribulations I experienced myself. It's amazing what's on the other side of godly discipline. Funny, I thought the grass looked greener in other direction. Boy, was I wrong! There's fruit on this side! :-)