Listening to Abba: EOY! Huh?

EOY! Huh?


“Are you going to take care of that bowl in the sink?”  

A simple question, but boy howdy did it raise my hackles!  My thoughts immediately went down a dark path “Seriously?  You’re going to point out a bowl to me when I’ve done yada, yada, yada for you for thirty  years? Let me tell you something mister, I could leave a thousand bowls in the sink and you will never, never, EVER match all the cleaning up I’ve done after you!”  I wanted to fling a bowl at my husband’s head (the largest and heaviest one I could find).  

Thankfully God restrained my tongue and my arm. Later, after I quieted down I could hear Him say, “Kinsey girl, you and Rick have not created a safe environment for each other.  Neither one of you can receive correction or instruction because you are bankrupt when it comes to pointing out the good.  Ya’ll need to start observing the good in each other. Notice what each other is doing and point it out.  Once you feel safe, valued, and appreciated, then you can  help each other do better.” (Yes, God says "ya'll").

God is right, (insert eye roll); He always is.  


So Rick and I became intentional about noticing the good. We got notebooks and started recording all the good things we saw each other doing.   What fun to pick up our notebooks and discover that we were being noticed and given credit.  We wrote serious things, we wrote silly things, we wrote kind and even flirtatious thing.  It worked well.  Eventually we tossed the notebooks and opted for email.  Many, many months later we are still doing it. We call it, “Eyes on You.”

The Eyes on You email subject line reads, EOY (short for Eyes on You).  Somewhere along the way we started having on-the-spot-EOY-callouts (pronounced  -i, sounds like Leroy).  

 “Hey, EOY for fixing mom lunch.” 
 “EOY back to you for bringing in the mail”
 “EOY for getting the oil changed.”
 "EOY for getting my clothes out of the dryer." 

We're EOYing each other! (Pun intended). How fun is that?

Now here’s another  little tidbit that I discovered.  When I EOY Rick, I mentally run through the day and take stock of all the good things he did, big and small.  As I type the list my heart grows with love and appreciation.  It’s amazing how the good deeds add up when I stop to look for them. I’m finding that this little exercise pays off in huge dividends.

Eyes on You, nurturing relational safety.  Who knew?

EOY!


15 comments:

  1. Kinsey, this was very inspirational. Its a good reminder that when we are intentional in our relationships our hearts change toward our spouse. You are an inspiration to me!

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  2. Thank you Sharon. You know more than anyone the deep work God has done in my soul and continues to do. Restoration!!

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  3. Kinsey, I love this. How fun. Glad you didn't throw the bowl. Thanks for being so transparent. I look forward to more posts from you. Blessings, Amy

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  4. Hee Hee, I read a book one time called Marriage on the Rock which my husband misunderstood as Marriage on the ROCKS so he started reading it too. It said that we had to compliment each other whenever we asked for it. I had no problem complimenting him. I would say he was a great dad, helpful to others, etc.
    His compliments were always about my appearance..nice eyes, shiny hair ...ect.
    Over time the compliments switched. I began to realize my hubby still HAD it...He was still muscular and had a lot of hair ;)
    His compliments to me began about WHO I was...a great mom, caring dentist, devoted wife.
    It's amazing how this turned around...It's amazing what simple gestures can do for your marriage.
    I think we will start EOYing as well!
    Thanks!

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    1. Thanks for stopping by Debi! EOY to you two! Keep up the good work.

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  5. Kinsey, thanks for this reminder....marriage is so much work and this would be a great article to give to couples in premarital counseling!!

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    1. Thanks Dixie! Certainly would help to get these practices going early on in a marriage. Wish I had started sooner.

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  6. I love the whole idea of EOY! I would think whole families could do it -- kids, too. And friends. Thank you so much for sharing this. If we EOY'd more, the world would be a much nicer place.

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    1. It sure makes my home world a nicer place. Thanks for stopping by Susan.

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  7. Love this, Kinsey. Thanks for sharing this very practical and totally inspiring practice!

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  8. Thank you for stopping by Kim. EOY to you for providing us bloggers an opportunity to share.

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  9. Oh, Kinsey, I LOVE this. What a great idea...putting Philippians in practice ... looking for the good. I agree that it would be a fantastic practice for the whole family. But mostly fantastic for building up the marriage relationship. Thank you for sharing EOY, Kinsey. You have blessed many with the very easy and practical tip! :-)

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    1. Thank you Pam! Pass it on. Thanks for stopping by.

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  10. KInsey - thank you for sharing this practical advice. I'm glad you didn't throw the bowl at your husband too... I must admit I have been tempted to throw the bowl at my kids and my husband after I finished cleaning up the kitchen (25 minutes+++) and they live a dish out. We have to remember the good qualities. Satan is trying to distract us and ruin our relationships so he WANTS us to focus on the bad. Great job!

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