I just finished a two
and a half year sprint to complete my bachelor’s degree. I would insert a “yay
me!” here, but I can’t take credit for what God did, so . . . Yay God!
Anyways, throughout my schooling I kept finding books I
wanted to read; so, I bought them and placed
them on hold until I graduated. Recently I went through the house gathering the
books into one place, excited that I could now delve in.
Holy smokes! To my surprise I had accumulated sixty
books. Sixty! I started sorting them in
order of desire/priority. In typical
Kinsey style I calculated how much reading I would have to do per week to
finish in a year. But I didn't want it to
take all year because there were even more books waiting on my wish list at Amazon,
and even more books that I want to RE-read. Oh brother.
Learning is an obsession; I don’t just read, I listen to
books and podcasts too. I listen when I
drive, clean, cook, exercise, yada yada.
Never any dead space, too much to learn.
Life is short, no time to waste. Oodles
of podcasts and audio books await on my
phone.
Then there is Google.
Ahh Google. A wealth of
information at my fingertips. The
husband shakes his head at me in wonder.
We drive down the road and I see something that peaks my interest.
Immediately I pull out the phone and start googling. “Listen to this,” I tell him, “here is the
point of water towers.” Seriously?
But wait that’s not all! I like webinars too. Dare I mention
that I have already registered for 12 webinars this year? Or that I start coaching school this month?
Hold
on. Wait a minute.
Press pause please.
In my life I have read countless books, listened to
countless sermons and podcasts, and googled countless sites –Where am I going
with all this? When will I have read or
listened to enough? What am I
seeking? What has it done for me? Has anything changed? Does the information make me different or do
I just know more?
I don’t want to learn
for the sake of learning I truly want my life to be changed – for the
better.
I am contemplating my feverish ambitions.
My thirst for knowledge springs from a desire to be a better
wife, mother, leader, coach, counselor, spiritual director, friend, lover,
caretaker, pastor’s wife, and most importantly – a daughter of the King. In many ways, books and podcasts have been my
mentor, my counselor, my spiritual director, and life line. Some books have touched my life so profoundly
that I can no longer be what I was before.
In spite of that, I am questioning my obsession. It borders on
mania. No doubt as soon as these sixty
books are read, there will be sixty more lined up. There is no end in sight. I must hurry in order to get it all done.
I take all these thoughts to Abba this morning and here is
what He says to me:
You
need to learn to sit still girl. It does
not come easy for you. Sometimes what I
want you to do is be quiet before me. There is no need to run after every spiritual
growth and development book out there. You
don’t have to listen to every podcast or attend every webinar . . . You must
learn to be still and to be in my presence without an agenda. I will teach you all you need to know and I
will point you to what you need to read.
I’ve got this baby girl. There is
more wisdom and understanding that comes in my presence then you will ever find
in any book or podcast. Be still and
know that I am God. I am your loving
Father. I know you inside and out,
upside and down. I know exactly what I
want to do in you and through you. I
will accomplish my purpose and prepare you for your mission. It is time to stop chasing growth – it’s time
to sit like Mary at my feet. Let this be
your Mary year.”
Let this be your Mary year.
I like the ring of that. I’ve got Martha’s role down to a T.
My response:
I
hear you Papa. I want to learn this
discipline of being still. I’m tired of the feverish pursuit of growth and
change. The truth is, it is your Holy Spirit that will transform me into your
likeness with ever increasing glory. I
want to be like Mary. I want to learn
from YOU.
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When they saw the courage of Peter and John and realized thatthey were unschooled, ordinary men,they were astonished and they took note thatthese men had been with Jesus. Acts 4:13 NIV
My Sunday school teacher shared this verse with us last Sunday. It practically slapped me in the face. Whoa! Oh that I might not be known for my knowledge or expertise . . .oh that it may be said of me, "They recognized her as a woman who had been with Jesus." I think that only comes from being a Mary.
