Coach Kinsey: 2018

Unburden Your Soul! - A Simple Approach to Heart Transformation that Really Works!

Everywhere we turn we are bombarded with information on how to become better people or better Christians. We have access to endless sermons, podcasts, books, YouTube, online groups, and more.  

But little of it seems to translate into transformed lives, rather it seems to add to the growing spiritual exhaustion of God’s people. We still can’t say no to people, or food, or work, shopping, or social media, or  _______ (you fill in the blank.) 

Instead of controlling our lives, life controls us. 

We are God-fearing people who really love God and want to make a difference. We want to please God, please others, and at the end of the day lay our head on our pillow with a peaceful and grateful heart (not guilt-ridden by the list of things that did not get accomplished, or all the things we did wrong, and worst of all, how God was not even part of the equation.) 

Self-shaming thoughts lead us to a weak resolve to get up earlier, spend time with God, be kinder with our words, be more attentive to our spouse, prepare menus in advance, etc.  

These resolutions fade away into a fitful sleep that is disrupted by pesky alarm in the morning.  Our hands grope and smack the snooze button prolonging the inevitable until the last minute possible; then we get up and repeat the cycle. Mercy!

We may take it further and sign up for a weekend retreat where we can get away and do a life overhaul. But at the end of the day all our efforts fall short and we feel a deep sense of failure.

There is a simpler approach but it goes against the cultural norm and sometimes against our reason. 

Sometimes the simple solutions are ignored because they just seem too simple

It really is simple, if I could only get people to buy into it.

Here’s my approach, simple and to the point.

Be still and listen to God.

That’s it.

If the world would do this, it would be turned upside down.

If you would do this, your life would radically change.

I lead people into this approach routinely. 

Client assignment: Sit still, set the timer for 5 minutes.  Ask God a question or just say, “I’m here God, what do you want to say to me.”

An initial conversation with God may look like this:

God:  I love you.
You:  Right. Okay, um, thanks. But what am I supposed to be doing about __________?
God:  I love you.
You:  Got that. But I need some answers. There’s this, this, and this going on and I don’t know what to do.
God:  I love you.
You:  Yeah, okay . . . this isn’t working.  You’re not getting it.  I really need some answers.
God:  No you don’t, you need me.  I AM the answer.
You:  I don’t get that at all.  You’re not fixing my life and clearing up my confusions.
God:  If I can get you to experience my love, you’ll find the answers.  Your questions will changeYour perspectives will change. You will change.  My perfect love casts out all fear.  
I want to love on you.  Will you let me?
You:  (a bit frustrated)  I don’t see how that works.  I know that you love me, I mean you died for me and all that.  But I have some pressing concerns and answers seem more relevant right now.
God:  I understand.  But I won’t change who I am or how I operate.  I’m offering my love.      When you learn to receive and enjoy it, you’ll see just how relevant it is.  You don’t really know how much I love you.  I want to show you.  Will you let me?
You:  Oops, time is up.  I gotta run.
Your departing thoughts  may be– "This is awkward, tomorrow I think I’ll just read Jesus Calling during this time."

After 12 years of listening to God, and 10 years of teaching others how to listen to God, I have witnessed over and over that God first and foremost wants to embrace us with His love.  Sadly, we dismiss this as irrelevant or impractical.  I mean, which would you rather have, a hug or better circumstances? Point made.

But what I’ve also noticed is that those clients who will sit still and listen to God reap enormous heart transformation that springs out of a soul that is deeply anchored in the love of God.

I can't stress this enough: When God's love gets a hold on us our perspective, attitude, and behaviors become more like His (without all the effort).

It’s not uncommon for me to give this prescription to a client:
For the next 2 weeks I want you to abandon all devotionals, Bible studies, Bible apps, etc.  Just take out a pen and paper, set your timer for 5 minutes and journal what you hear from God.  That’s it.  Do no more, do no less.  If you get nothing, just leave the paper blank and come back the next day.

Those who follow this prescription find God in a whole new way.  They are more aware of His presence throughout the day, delighted by His whispers and surprised by various God-moments throughout the week.  

They stop being resentful about how hard it is to be a Christian and began to enjoy their relationship with God. (All the devotional helps will come back into play after the client learns to sit still and listen to God.)

You don’t have to be a client to benefit from this practice.  Just start doing what I mentioned above.  I had no one guiding me (other than the Holy Spirit) when I got started.  If you get stuck feel free to make an appointment. 

My journal entries are messy and frankly, I would die of embarrassment if you read some of them.  But I have stayed with it until it as easy as breathing and today I joyfully declare that I went from being a devoted servant to a demanding king, to the cherished daughter of an adoring Father.  It’s the best!  

And in that wonderful space of experiencing His love, He has done some deep, deep soul cleansing and transformation.  (He’s also answered many questions, but don’t get hyper-focused on that idea.)

I wish this experience for all of you.  Go ahead, give it a whirl! 
Follow these steps:

I want to know how this works for you! 
Let me know if I can be of further help.

Coach Kinsey

How does this speak to you?  Please leave a comment below.

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©KinseyOglesby, October 2018 

A Personal Note to a Struggling Client

Dear Friend,

Today I'm thinking and praying for you.  Based on our conversation yesterday, I think that you may not have ever experienced deep, personal relating with the Savior.  Rather you have had a relationship with a system of religiosity (which is typical of many Christians).  That system can serve as a nice substitute until it doesn't anymore.  It doesn't produce real heart transformation, its more of a white-knuckle-it kind of behavior modification with the expectation that if we do well at that we will receive some kind of blessing from God.  This is where the reduced gospel we learn ends up being our kiss of death.

Thank God that He doesn't want us to stay on that path.  He has rescued me off of that path (I was miserable on it, yet like you, pushed that way down and went along with the flow).  He has shown me a new way of relating - an enjoyable Savior and Christian life (not easy) but soooooo much better than the other way.  I feel alive and excited about Jesus - and we do life together, every single day.  Circumstances around me haven't changed that much and can be pretty bleak, but God in the middle makes for a really sweet experience.

You're angry because God hasn't delivered.  You put out, but He didn't.  Only thing is, He never made that promise. Somewhere along the line, we believed the lie that if we do good things, we will get good things.  But the Bible never ever teaches that.  It teaches that to live we must first die, to be great we must become nothing, to get we must first lose, and to find the greatest joy is to love the unlovely.  It's opposite everything.  There is nothing appealing about those things.  But the promise is that when we do those things, that's when the real joy comes - that's when we really begin to experience life. I am finding this to be true.

This is just some food for thought. I'm for you more than you know.
If you want real life, I can help you find Him.


Coach Kinsey

Can any of you relate?  Has Abba drawn you into the Opposite World?  Please leave your comments below.

If you want to learn how to relate to a Savior rather than a system contact me.

I Didn't Know it Would Be My Last Conversation With Him . . .

What a delightful surprise to see Mr. D and Sandy at a recent funeral.   My heart stirred when I saw them.  I felt compelled to speak words of life and love to my High School teacher.  I wanted him to know how much he meant to me and to so many people. I made a beeline for him after the service.

 “Mr. D, I just want you to know how much you mean to me . . .” But before I could get going, others huddled around, took pictures, shared memories, talked, and talked, and talked.  But I was determined to have this conversation. People moved away, the room was almost empty, so I started again, “Mr. D, I want you to know . . .” 

This time the funeral director butted in, arms waving directions, “We need you to move out of the room, we have another funeral to conduct.” I could tell he was not a man to cross, we left the chapel and went into the hallway.  

I tried again, “Mr. D, it’s important for me to say this . . .”  Someone stopped by and thrust their cell phone in Mr. D’s face, “Hey, my daughter is doing great now, here’s her house, yada yada.”  Seriously?   Can I just have a moment?   

Finally, space seemed to open up, “Mr. D . . .” Oh, for crying out loud, the funeral director was unhappy again. “Could y’all please move out of the hall?  
We have another funeral about to start.”  Sheesh!  
We moved to the lobby.  More interruptions ensued.

Maybe this wasn’t the place or time

But I waited.  Finally, I was able to look Mr. D in the eye and express my gratitude and love.  I don’t remember what I said exactly.  But I do remember being grateful for the chance to hold his hand, hug his neck, and speak life into him.

I had no idea it would be my last conversation with him. Today, June 22, 2018, Mr. D entered heaven. I’ll cherish this picture and that moment forever.

There will be endless accolades from thousands of students over on Facebook about how wonderful Mr. D was on earth.  I look forward to reading each one.  But right now I want to draw attention to this fact: we never know

We never know when our last conversation with someone will be our last conversation with someone.  So, it’s really important to speak up.  Sometimes we feel silly or shy about saying soulful things.  Sometimes the slightest bumps in the road can deter us from our intents. 

Here are my two cents worth:

Stay the course.
Say the words.
Speak life.
Speak love.
Speak gratitude.
You may not get another chance.

In honor and memory of one of the greats, Jay Donmoyer, aka "Mr. D," and his lovely wife Sandy.

Chioma! My New Favorite Word

“How do you pronounce your name?” I asked, noticing her unusual name tag.
“Chee-oh-ma,” replied the Lowes cashier.
"That’s interesting, what does it mean?"
“God is good.”
“Really?  What language is that?”
 "Igbo, from Nigeria."
“That’s a beautiful name. God really is good, do you know Jesus?” my husband joined the conversation.
“I know God,” she said with dismissive air and rang up our potting soil.  Seemed to me that she didn’t like God being equated with Jesus.  But who knows, I could have read her wrong.

Anyway, intrigued by the name Chioma, I later did a google search online.  Sure enough, it means “God is good.” Don’t you just love that? It’s my new favorite word now.

Chioma!  God is good.
Yes He is. Jesus too.

We prayed that the beautiful African girl that works at Lowes comes to know that in her heart.
And you too for that matter.
Have a lovely day.

Chioma! Spread the word.

Messy Gospel. Messy Me.

It couldn't have happened at a worse place.  Thick traffic, narrow lanes, crazy drivers, and there I was fighting to stay awake.  Seriously, right there in the center of Atlanta, at malfunction junction, my eyes were crossing.  After a week with very little sleep, I had finally hit my wall.  So at this point, it was imperative to be off the highway. I prayed, gripped the steering wheel and looked for the first available exit. 

Finally, a billboard boasted a Cracker Barrell, exit 44.  I would be able to walk around, get some coffee, call the Preacher and try to wake up. But that’s not how it played out. 
Exited in the wrong lane, had to go with traffic flow.  Desperate to get out of the car, I pulled into the first fast food restaurant available.  Hardees.  I never eat at Hardees. Ever.
God had plans to wake me up.  There at the entrance was a homeless woman, with all her worldly possessions at her feet.  Oh dear Jesus,  I would have to pass her on my way in.  Can we say awkward? I greeted her kindly and walked right past her, good Samaritan that I am.

“What’s up with that homeless woman by the door?” I asked the cashier.
“Oh, she just needs some money.”
“How long has she been out there?”
“She’s been coming for about 2 years.”
“Oh mercy!”
It’s not my first time to see a homeless panhandler, but it’s always unnerving.  Bells and whistles, inner turmoil, guilt for having a home to return to, guilt for having a life basically. Compelled to do something.  What is that something? 
Was that an angel out there?  An angel, taking notes and reporting me to God. 
Angel reporting to God: “Kinsey walked past, she gets credit for the smile and greeting, but she did walk past.” 
God: “That’s not good enough.  I’ve given her a very cushy life in comparison.  She should invite that woman to go home with her and live with her and take care of her for the rest of her life.”
I’ve already been condemned to hell in my imagination.  Deep soul sigh.
Am I the only one with this type of internal dialogue?
The very fact that it could be an angel meant that I had to act.  I don’t want to let an angel down, do you?

I mean, I can walk right past a human who bears the image of God, but it’s absolutely incomprehensible to walk past an angel and do nothing.  That's holy logic at work, right?
So I ate a burger while I ponder these things.  Didn’t taste a bite.  Didn’t enjoy it either.
Exiting the same door, I moved next to the woman, careful not to trample her little bags, leaned back on the wall, looked at her and asked, “What’s your story?”
Surprisingly, she smiled and spoke very intelligently. (I had not stereotyped at all.  Eyeroll.)
Hard times, no family around, just needed money to stay in a hotel, yadda, yadda.
“What’s your name?”
“Angel,” she replied. 
(Not really, I just had to get you there)
“Princess,” was her real answer
“Princess!” I mused, “Are you God’s Princess?”
“Oh yes!” she said with a big smile.
That opened up the door for more conversation.  I tell you I thought my heart would break in two.  Here was a child of God with deep pain and no place to stay.  Here was an image bearer with no home.  Where was God in this woman’s life?  Why wasn’t He caring for His daughter?
I have no answers.
Over the course of our conversation, I prayed with her three different times. It felt weak and pathetic.  What kind of God allows this?  The gospel doesn’t seem enough here.  How do the four spiritual laws apply?  God loves you and has a wonderful plan for your life?  Seriously?
She was very grateful that I took the time to visit.  I gave her a hug (with permission) and all the cash I had.
I got back in my car and cried.  This world is so wrong.  So, so wrong.
The gospel at times seems messy.  My living out the gospel is messy.
I’m still bothered by it all. I think I should be.
What does it stir in you?