Coach Kinsey: May 2015

A Real Conversation with God - from My Journal

April 27, 2 a.m.

Me:     Good morning Papa.

God:    Good morning love.  How are you?

Me:     Need you ask?  NOT SLEEPING!! Grrrrrrrr
           Yet, here I am, alone with you – always a good place to be.  Always.

Papa, I love you, but I don’t like your mysterious ways.  You don’t always make the path clear.

God:    If you knew what’s ahead, knew the outcome – how would that help you?

Me:     I would know if I was on the right path, that I heard you right.

God:    What would it give you to know that?

Me:     Confidence – that I’m not crazy.  I’m going the direction you want.  Not
wasting time and energy on the wrong thing.

God:   What would not wasting time and energy give you?

Me:      A sense of accomplishment.  Not working in vain.  That what I do is significant – that it counts for something.

God:    So you want your life to matter – to count . . .to influence the world . . .be part of something important – to point people to me?

Me:      Yes – and it seems there is limited time – I don’t have time to waste – my mind is going, going, gone!  The time and energy I have left is diminishing daily.  I need to be laser focused and pour my energies into what is most important – what will have the greatest impact on the most people.

God:    What if I don’t care about how many people you impact?  What if I don’t care that you never do another thing for me?  What if I just want you by my side?  What if I just enjoy your company Kinsey?  What if all I want from you, need from you, or ask from you is to stay close to me and love me?  Because, I really do like having your companionship.  My love is not affected by what you “do” for me.

You often say "May the lamb that was slain to receive the rewards of His sufferings.”

Me:      Yes, I do say that a lot.

God:    Baby, you are my reward.  Not what you do, but that you are  I love you my darling and there is nothing you can do to increase my love.  Your very existence brings me pleasure.

All the plans you have – to bring others to me – to make my work worthwhile – to do something significant for me . . .sweet girl, I will not love you more for them. 

Do you know that makes me happy?  I love our times together – having you near.  I love when you sing to me.  When you sit with me.  When you hang out with me.  Don’t undervalue this – it means more to me than anything.  I value your presence much more than I do your accomplishments.

Me:      Why is this so hard to believe?  To take in?

God:    Because you have never experienced that from anyone else.  You've always had to “earn your keep” and make yourself valuable to others.  You have to give them something because you are not enough.  Your dad taught you that you had to make something of your life.  Be somebody.  Do something important.  Then, he would be proud of you.  I’m not him Kinsey.  I loved you before you were born – when you were just an idea in my head. 

Listen girl – you are my reward! You are significant because you belong to me!  You are my daughter.  I’m proud of you.  I love you.  I love your personality.  Your quirks.  Your humor – I especially love your humor.  I love that you think hard about things – try to carry your weight – seek to bring me pleasure.  But like your grandchildren, whom you love just because they are yours, - so I love you!

So don’t perform for me.  Don’t do another thing for me – I won't, I can't stop loving you. 

I thought all my sufferings were worth it before you ever lifted a finger to do a thing for me. 

Kinsey girl, you are enough.  You are enough.

©Kinsey Oglesby, April, 2015

It's many months later and  I’m still digesting His words. 
What does it stir in you?
I would love to hear your comments.