A Real Conversation with God - from My Journal

April 27, 2 a.m.

Me:     Good morning Papa.

God:    Good morning love.  How are you?

Me:     Need you ask?  NOT SLEEPING!! Grrrrrrrr

           Yet, here I am, alone with you – always a good place to be.  Always.

Papa, I love you, but I don’t like your mysterious ways.  You don’t always make the path clear.

God:    If you knew what’s ahead, knew the outcome – how would that help you?

Me:     I would know if I was on the right path, that I heard you right.

God:    What would it give you to know that?

Me:     Confidence – that I’m not crazy.  I’m going the direction you want.  Not

wasting time and energy on the wrong thing.

God:   What would not wasting time and energy give you?

Me:      A sense of accomplishment.  Not working in vain.  That what I do is significant – that it counts for something.

God:    So you want your life to matter – to count . . .to influence the world . . .be part of something important – to point people to me?

Me:      Yes – and it seems there is limited time – I don’t have time to waste – my mind is going, going, gone!  The time and energy I have left is diminishing daily.  I need to be laser focused and pour my energies into what is most important – what will have the greatest impact on the most people.

God:    What if I don’t care about how many people you impact?  What if I don’t care that you never do another thing for me?  What if I just want you by my side?  What if I just enjoy your company Kinsey?  What if all I want from you, need from you, or ask from you is to stay close to me and love me?  Because, I really do like having your companionship.  My love is not affected by what you “do” for me.

You often say "May the lamb that was slain to receive the rewards of His sufferings.”

Me:      Yes, I do say that a lot.

God:    Baby, you are my reward.  Not what you do, but that you are.   I love you my darling and there is nothing you can do to increase my love.  Your very existence brings me pleasure.

All the plans you have – to bring others to me – to make my work worthwhile – to do something significant for me . . .sweet girl, I will not love you more for them. 

Do you know that makes me happy?  I love our times together – having you near.  I love when you sing to me.  When you sit with me.  When you hang out with me.  Don’t undervalue this – it means more to me than anything.  I value your presence much more than I do your accomplishments.

Me:      Why is this so hard to believe?  To take in?

God:    Because you have never experienced that from anyone else.  You've always had to “earn your keep” and make yourself valuable to others.  You have to give them something because you are not enough.  Your dad taught you that you had to make something of your life.  Be somebody.  Do something important.  Then, he would be proud of you.  I’m not him Kinsey.  I loved you before you were born – when you were just an idea in my head. 

Listen girl – you are my reward! You are significant because you belong to me!  You are my daughter.  I’m proud of you.  I love you.  I love your personality.  Your quirks.  Your humor – I especially love your humor.  I love that you think hard about things – try to carry your weight – seek to bring me pleasure.  But like your grandchildren, whom you love just because they are yours, - so I love you!

So don’t perform for me.  Don’t do another thing for me – I won't, I can't stop loving you. 

I thought all my sufferings were worth it before you ever lifted a finger to do a thing for me. 

Kinsey girl, you are enough.  You are enough.

©Kinsey Oglesby, April, 2015

---------------------------------------------------

It's many months later and  I’m still digesting His words. 
What does it stir in you?

I would love to hear your comments.

Click here to download a PDF version of this post.

Oh Love That Will Not Let Me Go

My granddaughter's face reflects my heart

Yesterday I was bellyaching to God. . .

God, I’m irritated at you.  You know how exhausted I am.  How long this year has been. How long the past eight years have been.  All of the schooling, and working, and planning, and dreaming. All of  the waiting and uncertainty.  All of the shattered and unfulfilled dreams.  All of the insomnia.  All of the emotional turbulence. What is the point?  Really!  Enough is enough.  Time for you to step in and relieve me of my pain and discomfort. Haven’t I learned enough?

Not pretty, I know.  But real.  Real frustration.  Real impatience.  Real dissatisfaction. Real me.  Still demanding, still entitled, and still not wanting to wait on God’s perfect timing.  Still needing the refining fire.  Ugh.  

The transformation process can be miserable. Dark. Long.  Difficult.  Confusing.  Maddening. Yet, the transformation process is crafted by hands of love.  I can view it as punitive or as a privilege.

Yesterday as I awoke my aging, demented mother, I turned on her worship music.  The hymn “Oh Love That Will Not Let Me Go” wafted across the room.  It pierced my soul. 

Who on this earth will ever love me in such a way that they will intentionally cause me pain and discomfort in order to make me more beautiful?  No one. 

But God will. 

His love rises above my bellyaching.  Amidst His own tears, He does what is best for me.  Never content until I experience all of Him. 

Oh Love that will not let me go, I rest my weary soul in thee. 

 Thank you my Abba.  I love you too.  And, I’m sorry I lost sight of the love behind the pain.  I’ll stop my bellyaching now.

 Kinsey

The most beautiful rendition of this song . . . ever:

 Oh Love That Will Not Let Me Go

O Love, that will not let me go,
I rest my weary soul in Thee;
I give Thee back the life I owe,
That in Thine ocean depths its flow
May richer, fuller be.

O Light, that followest all my way,
I yield my flickering torch to Thee;
My heart restores its borrowed ray,
That in Thy sunshine’s blaze its day
May brighter, fairer be.

O Joy, that seekest me through pain,
I cannot close my heart to Thee;
I trace the rainbow through the rain,
And feel the promise is not vain
That morn shall tearless be.

O Cross, that liftest up my head,
I dare not ask to fly from Thee;
I lay in dust life’s glory dead,
And from the ground there blossoms red
Life that shall endless be.

Every Party Needs a Pooper

I’m hesitant to write this because it has the potential of making you mad. That's not my intent.

Well then, what is?

I’m a little concerned (okay, a whole lot concerned) about a particular verse that is being used as a platform for “positive thinking.” 

Wait, that’s not completely it. My real concern is this: how rarely we do our homework when it comes to interpreting scripture.  If something sounds good, or rings true we take a portion of a verse or passage and run with it; using it to support our teachings.  Eventually, everyone is quoting it and even whole books are written on its premise.

And few ever bother to actually look up the verse and read it in its context.  Sigh.  

I want to wake us up a bit and start to question what we have believed and/or taught.    

My intention is to challenge our hermeneutics. Herm-a-what-ics? Never mind. If this blog post makes us ask, “What does that verse really mean?” and causes us to go back and explore the chapter and book surrounding it, then I will have considered it worthwhile.

Okay. Drum roll. Here’s the verse that I think we are getting wrong (Hear me out before you throw something at me):

“For as he thinks within himself, so he is.”  Prov. 23:7

I hear this verse quoted frequently, interpreted as, “We become what we think.”  Now, I’m not denying that our thoughts and beliefs influence our actions, or even that we can change our behavior by changing our thoughts.  But I am denying that this particular verse teaches that.

How can you say that, Kinsey?  It’s pretty obvious, “as a man thinks, so is he.”

I admit, it does look good, and secretly I want to use it just like everyone else does.  But have we ever stopped to read the surrounding verses?  Here they are:

Do not eat the bread of a selfish man, Or desire his delicacies; For as he thinks within himself, so he is. He says to you, "Eat and drink!" But his heart is not with you. You will vomit up the morsel you have eaten, And waste your compliments.…  Prov. 23:6-8

Did you just hurry past that or did you carefully read it?  I’m not going to do a long-drawn-out exegesis here.  Hopefully you will stop and examine it for yourself.

Just a quick glance makes me think the author is warning us not to covet what a selfish man offers.   My paraphrase:  

Don’t be tricked by his smooth talk.  He’s not what he appears.  On the inside he is against you. Don’t be fooled by him, or crave what you think he can offer you.  It will come back to haunt you.  This guy cannot be trusted.  If you want to know what he is really like, take a peek into his greedy heart.

Some might dismiss my concerns and say, “Alright, maybe that particular verse is not the best for teaching about the power of the mind, but since it is true that our thoughts dictate our actions, can’t we just forgive the fact that it’s taken out of context?”

Insert screeching tires, busting glass, and the sound of a car hitting a wall.

Answer: Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!

We cannot, must not twist and pull out scripture to support our beliefs. We derive our beliefs from scripture. And if we don’t keep the bigger picture in focus (context), how on earth will we ever correctly interpret the smaller picture? 

I don’t want to be a party pooper. Well, maybe I do. If we are dancing to the wrong music, someone's got to pull the plug.

I hope we have all been challenged. This isn’t my typical story-telling blog post. But it’s what I woke up with at 3 a.m. and now that I’ve written it down, maybe I can go back to sleep.

Work hard so you can present yourself to God and receive his approval. Be a good worker, one who does not need to be ashamed and who correctly explains the word of truth.  2 Tim 2:15