I Didn't Know it Would Be My Last Conversation With Him . . .

What a delightful surprise to see Mr. D and Sandy at a recent funeral.   My heart stirred when I saw them.  I felt compelled to speak words of life and love to my High School teacher.  I wanted him to know how much he meant to me and to so many people. I made a beeline for him after the service.

 “Mr. D, I just want you to know how much you mean to me . . .” But before I could get going, others huddled around, took pictures, shared memories, talked, and talked, and talked.  But I was determined to have this conversation. People moved away, the room was almost empty, so I started again, “Mr. D, I want you to know . . .” 

This time the funeral director butted in, arms waving directions, “We need you to move out of the room, we have another funeral to conduct.” I could tell he was not a man to cross, we left the chapel and went into the hallway.  

I tried again, “Mr. D, it’s important for me to say this . . .”  Someone stopped by and thrust their cell phone in Mr. D’s face, “Hey, my daughter is doing great now, here’s her house, yada yada.”  Seriously?   Can I just have a moment?   

Finally, space seemed to open up, “Mr. D . . .” Oh, for crying out loud, the funeral director was unhappy again. “Could y’all please move out of the hall?  

We have another funeral about to start.”  Sheesh!  

We moved to the lobby.  More interruptions ensued.

Maybe this wasn’t the place or time. 

But I waited.  Finally, I was able to look Mr. D in the eye and express my gratitude and love.  I don’t remember what I said exactly.  But I do remember being grateful for the chance to hold his hand, hug his neck, and speak life into him.

I had no idea it would be my last conversation with him. Today, June 22, 2018, Mr. D entered heaven. I’ll cherish this picture and that moment forever.

There will be endless accolades from thousands of students over on Facebook about how wonderful Mr. D was on earth.  I look forward to reading each one.  But right now I want to draw attention to this fact: we never know. 

We never know when our last conversation with someone will be our last conversation with someone.  So, it’s really important to speak up.  Sometimes we feel silly or shy about saying soulful things.  Sometimes the slightest bumps in the road can deter us from our intents. 

Here are my two cents worth:

Stay the course.
Say the words.
Speak life.
Speak love.
Speak gratitude.
You may not get another chance.

In honor and memory of one of the greats, Jay Donmoyer, aka "Mr. D," and his lovely wife Sandy.

Chioma! My New Favorite Word

“How do you pronounce your name?” I asked, noticing her unusual name tag.

“Chee-oh-ma,” replied the Lowes cashier.

"That’s interesting, what does it mean?"

“God is good.”

“Really?  What language is that?”

 "Igbo, from Nigeria."

“That’s a beautiful name. God really is good, do you know Jesus?” my husband joined the conversation.

“I know God,” she said with dismissive air and rang up our potting soil.  Seemed to me that she didn’t like God being equated with Jesus.  But who knows, I could have read her wrong.

Anyway, intrigued by the name Chioma, I later did a google search online.  Sure enough, it means “God is good.” Don’t you just love that? It’s my new favorite word now.

Chioma!  God is good.

Yes He is. Jesus too.

We prayed that the beautiful African girl that works at Lowes comes to know that in her heart.

And you too for that matter.

Have a lovely day.

Chioma! Spread the word.

A Surprise Kiss from God

There it blossomed, in the dead of winter, snowy white against a periwinkle sky. 

I braked and dismounted my bike to get closer. The flower was a burst of white petals surrounding a small yellow center; from a distance, it resembled a daisy – but this was a tree.

   

How is it that I’ve biked this route for years and never noticed this daisy tree? 

But today it begged my attention, standing in stark contrast to the surrounding landscape of brown grass, dead leaves, and barren trees.

Its beautiful bloom sang out to me – there's life, there's hope, there's growth! Dark seasons give way to light.  Mourning gives way to laughter.

Touching its delicate leaves, I could feel the breath of God infusing me with hope, anticipation, and joy.

The first signs of spring are always the most treasured;

 perhaps because they follow a season of decay.

Yet I was still mystified, how had I missed this tree in the past?  I pass it frequently.  Could it be that my soul was more thirsty this time?  Or maybe God just wanted to surprise me.

The same thing happens when I read scripture.  I round the corner of a chapter, riding in old, familiar territory, then a verse will jump out and capture my attention. It’s like I’ve never seen it before!  I brake, dismount, and allow the new revelation to seep into my soul.

Some people call these moments kisses from God.  What a wonderful thought.  It surely does feels like that – a God-kiss. Nice.

God’s-kisses are all around us.  Every day.  It’s just that sometimes we glide right past and don’t notice them. Oh that we might see them all.

Would you ask God to open your eyes today? 

Ask Him to show you where His kiss is hiding.

He wants to kiss you.

And when you get your God-kiss, stop pedaling, get off your bike, and receive the infusion of His love and grace. 

Then would you share it with someone?  

Or better yet share it on our FB group page?

After I got home I googled the bloom and discovered that it is called
Magnolia stellata the ‘Royal Star.”
But just between us, I think I'll call it the Daisy tree.  Smile.
You can learn more about it here: 

Sometimes we can't hear from God or receive His kisses because we are stuck, or our internal life is too noisy.  As a Heart Transformation Coach, I help you move past the barriers to reconnect with the lover of your soul.

Click here to learn about

Heart Transformation Services

or contact me at:

Kinsey@coachkinsey.com

For a PDF version of this story - maybe to share with your women's group,

click here.

©Kinsey Oglesby, January 25, 2017

Kisses for Bobbie: A story of a Daughter's Love

I wanted my mom to love and cherish me. To teach me how to dress, wear makeup, choose friends, show hospitality, and find a mate. To hold me when the world was harsh, to comfort me when my dreams were shattered, to listen with rapt attention to my ideas and prattle.  To be proud of me for starring in the school play, to slip me notes in my lunch.  To crawl in bed with me and giggle, tell me stories, hold me tight, and kiss my eyes closed. She never did.

It was difficult for mom to raise five children.  Kind words, encouragement, and praise were seldom spoken. Disparaging remarks and criticism were more the norm.  Mom scared me; I never felt emotionally safe with her.  Most of my childhood was spent flying under the radar, avoiding the fray.  As I grew older, my wounds became the breeding ground for resentment and bitterness.  By the time I left home, I wanted to walk away and never look back. 

But God.

God taught me a better way;  the way of love.  Mercifully, He would not let me walk away. He would not let bitterness and resentment define me. It took years of messy work to uproot those enemies. He helped me see the deep pain in my mother’s soul that prevented her from receiving and expressing love.  She was gripped with fear and anxiety and inner sufferings of her own.  God graced my heart with compassion and forgiveness.  He helped me to let go of my expectations and to treat mom with respect and dignity.  But He didn’t stop there. He taught me to love her in the ways I longed to be loved.

Long story short, when mom was no longer able to live independently, the Preacher and I took up residence with her.  For years we watched both her mind and body decay.  She was utterly dependent on us for every need.

Not only did she need us to watch over her, but mom’s body needed attention. Touching my mom was uncharted territory; the thought of it made my stomach queasy.  Don’t get me wrong, I love touch; it’s one of my love languages.  But touching my mom?  That was a different story.  There was no familiarity and no emotional connection; caring for her body took me to a whole other level.  I had to cut her nails, clean her nose, irrigate her ears, wash her hair, change her diaper, bandage her wounds and do all manner of stuff too personal to write here.  Our loving Father used this experience to close the gap on love. I did all these things dutifully and kindly. 

Mom, aka"Bobbie"

But God. 

(There are those two words again). 

He spoke to me one day about mom.  “She’s my princess, my darling Bobbie.  Thank you for caring for her.  I love her so much and I can’t wait until she is here with me.  Until then Kinsey, let her know how much I love her. Be me with skin on.”   Whoa.  When He exposed His heart toward my mom I was floored.  I saw her in a new light; she was one of God’s greatest treasures.

God flipped a switch in me. The next day I went into her room with an awareness that I was entering sacred territory.  God’s princess was lying in the bed, His beloved “Bobbie.”   I bent down and smothered my mom’s face and neck with kisses.  That day my touch went from holy duty to holy relating.  The healing in my soul was complete.  Praise God.

Since then, I’ve lost count of the kisses and tender touches I’ve given mom.  But it wasn’t me, it was the God of the universe loving on His princess.  I was just the vessel.

In my life I’ve made a lot of mistakes, wounded many people, and failed to love.  But there is this one little place in my soul – where love won out. And if I don’t get anything else right I can revel in the transformation of my heart towards my mother.

Mom went to Jesus a few days ago.  I had one hand on her head, brushing back her hair, and one hand over her chest feeling it rise and fall.  Her breath became shallower and shallower, the rise and fall became barely noticeable.  Then it stopped. She left this earth while I was touching her and entered into heaven where Jesus was waiting with “Kisses for Bobbie.”

Mother's Day 2016

When I die don’t cry for me

In my Father’s arms I’ll be

The wounds this world left on my soul

Will all be healed and I’ll be whole.

It don’t matter where they bury me

I’ll be home and I’ll be free

It don’t matter where I lay

All my tears be washed away.

All My Tears” Selah

I love  you Mom!  I can hardly wait for us to look in each other's eyes and love deeply, purely, and completely from a place of perfect holiness.

Postlude:

Mom did love us; she just didn’t know how to express it.  We have found some of her prayer journals in which she desperately sought God’s transformation of her tongue and heart. She matured into a very generous woman who sponsored countless orphans through Compassion international, and other good works for God.  Additionally, she was a gracious and loving MeeMaw to her grandchildren.

Broken people can be used by God.  In fact, it’s the only kind of people He uses!  Like me, Mom got it right in some areas, and not so good in others.  It seems contradictory, but that’s how it is when God is in the process of cleaning up our messy hearts and lives.  Some things won’t be fixed until glory.  Until then, we need to give each other’s imperfections wide berth.  God is transforming us all in His own time and way.  One day we will all live in holy love.

©Kinsey Oglesby, Soul Care Coach, Writer, Speaker

Kinsey@coachkinsey.com,

Laura's story . . . I knew God loved the world, but did He love me specifically?

I never believed that God’s love targeted me specifically;

it was more like God blanketed the earth with a generic

kind of love.  I didn’t feel worthy of His personal affection.

Things are very different now.  After participating

in the Listening to Abba group I have found God’s

love to be very personal and specific for me.

Kinsey showed how God has been actively and

passionately pursuing us throughout history in order

to draw us into an intimate relationship with Himself.

She led us into His presence and helped us learn

how to ask God questions and listen for His response.

I was blown away by how He spoke to me.  God spoke in words of tender love and reassurance, offering comfort, peace, release, and joy. I learned that what I thought was His voice before, was not actually His voice at all.  God doesn’t speak in condemnation and judgment; Christ took care of all that on the cross. Of course He convicts and corrects, but it’s always cloaked in love and mercy.  I guess that shouldn’t surprise me so much, after all God is love!

This experience has opened me up to possibilities of relating to God in ways I never imagined.  My almost non-existent prayer life has been turned upside down.  I look forward to our time together now.  I am more aware of His presence throughout the day and my ear is tuned to hear His voice.  I love it when He surprises me with a song or word that I wasn’t expecting.  He is love!

I’m so thankful that God showed me a new way of relating to Him.  Now I look forward to a going deeper and enjoying a vibrant relationship with my Heavenly Father, my Abba.

 Laura Fortney, Greenville, SC

Click here to be notified of upcoming Listening to Abba Groups

Where is Your Time Best Spent? What Scripture Says . . .

So the Twelve called a meeting of all the believers. They said, “We apostles should spend our time teaching the word of God, not running a food program. And so, brothers, select seven men who are well respected and are full of the Spirit and wisdom. We will give them this responsibility. Then we apostles can spend our time in prayer and teaching the word. Acts 6: 2-4 NIV

The early church was growing in leaps and bounds.  New believers were selling their properties, pooling their money, taking care of the poor, feeding the widows and more.  It was waaay too much for the twelve apostles to keep up with.  So they called a church meeting and said, “Look, we don’t need to be spending our time running a food program, we need to be focusing our energies on prayer and teaching of the word. Let’s choose some Godly men to take over this ministry to the widows.” 

Everyone liked the idea so they selected seven men, laid hands on them, and commissioned them to run the food ministry to the widows.  The apostles were then free to use their primary giftings of prayer and teaching the word.

Was the food program beneath the apostles?

Absolutely not.  I imagine a little old lady cupping the face of Peter and in a quivering voice say, “Thank you. thank you.. I didn’t know where my next meal was coming from.”  Then a playful Peter kisses her on the cheek and calls out, “Hey Matthais, give this woman an extra slice of babka!” *  

The apostles were overjoyed to let God’s love flow from them to the widows.  But as the food distribution grew larger and larger it began to eat away at their time; time that was better spent in prayer and teaching.  Better spent, not because it was more important, but because it was where their strengths and giftings lay.  They could best serve God’s purposes using their unique gifts. 

Was the ministry to the widows secondary?

Absolutely not.  Consider how carefully and prayerfully seven men were selected.  They had to be well respected, full of the Holy Spirit, and wise.  Sounds like a tall order just to serve food, right?  But it was more than serving up food, it was serving up God’s love to the poor and needy.   “For the entire law is fulfilled in keeping this one command: "Love your neighbor as yourself." Gal. 5:14 NIV 

Both ministries were important; both required God’s Spirit, wisdom, and integrity.  The issue for the apostles is where they could best serve the church, and the conclusion was to serve in the area where they were most gifted.  That’s where they should spend their primary time and energies.  The whole church agreed on this and it freed the apostles to do what they did best.

As I reflected on this passage this morning, I asked God, “What are my giftings?  Where is my time best spent.?” To which He replied, “Relating, teaching, coaching, writing, praying, and leading.”  I wrote these words on my blackboard.  They will serve as a guide for how I order my days, how I make decisions, and how I spend my time.

What about you?  

• What are your gifts?  
• Where is your time best spent?  
• How does your life live in concert with your unique giftings?  
• What keeps you from operating in your gifts?

Leave me a comment, I'd love to hear your response. Kinsey@listeningtoabba.com

Use this post as a devotional in your small group.  

Click here for a free printable PDF version.

*Babka is a a loaf-shaped coffee cake made with sweet yeast dough to which raisins, chocolate, or nuts may be added. Yum.  Okay, I confess I had to google “Jewish desserts” to come up with that.  Are you impressed?

Click here for a Chocolate Babka Recipe

When Good Enough is Good Enough: Doing Less without Being Less

My daughter's family is coming home for Christmas; they're still grieving the loss of their baby boy,William. To honor the memory of William, I’ve crafted baby bird ornaments for the Christmas tree. We call it the "William Tree."

Before settling on the project, I explored a variety of bird patterns and ideas online which made my brain bulge with ideas. Ohhhh, those fabric birds were sooooo cute.  But weighing my time and energy against my lofty ambitions, I resigned myself to do the basics.  Armed with paper, scissors, glue, and glitter, I made baby birds. They look like something my granddaughters might make at school.

But, I didn’t have to drag out a sewing machine, pick out fabric, or deal with an unruly bobbin (ain't nobody got time for that!).  Yes, the birds could be cuter and more ornate.  But what is the desired outcome? To honor Amy and Matt by remembering William. The William Tree will memorialize our loss and remind us that life is not what we dream, but it's also not the end of the story. William is with Jesus now, and we will join him one day.  Oh tidings of comfort and joy.

                                     

My house is under renovation.  I'm dealing with health issues and I don’t have excess time or energy.  I'm forced to evaluate my options and ask "What do I want the outcome to be? What is essential to making that happen?" That’s what gets accomplished - just the basics, the have-to's.  It's not always elegant, but it is enough.  Let me say that again. It is enough.

No need apologize or lament that others are more creative, resourceful, or have more time. Just do the basics and keep the outcome in focus.  Everything else is frosting.

Sometimes good enough is good enough. 
The same love, blessings, and meaning inhabit the basics. Doing less does not mean a lesser outcome or a lesser me.

My soul needed reminding of that today.  What about you?

What would good enough look like for you this Christmas?
Or in the coming New Year?  I would love to hear your comments.

Click here for a free PDF download of this post

©Kinsey Oglesby, Dec. 2015